J,

The hard part starts today. I hope your boys are doing well. David and Jaime told me to stay strong and thanked me for coming to your services yesterday. It was really kind of them. Please help us deal with your loss with grace.

I've managed to listen to your voice without crying this morning. I bet you are pleased with that. I still miss you ( Read more... )

J,

I've done my promise. I went to church yesterday and today to see you. A lot of people came to see you too. David and Jaime seemed like really sweet boys, no wonder you adored them to bits. I've seen and met some people whom you have worked with and some of your friends. They really do miss you, I have seen their sad eyes and weak smiles. Indeed ( Read more... )

Today, I will see you for the last time. I will be brave. I will try not to cry as much. I shall bid you farewell in style. And I want to make a promise that no matter how many scrapes, bruises or scars I get in the battlefield I will continue to wear my heart on my sleeve, not only because I'm hopeful... but because I know no other way. I will be ( Read more... )

J,

Naomi and Jane took me out for shopping yesterday. They took it upon themselves to keep me company and to keep my mind off things when I don't have work. I got myself a dress for your funeral. The long queues in the fitting rooms were just dreadful so I decided I'll just do the fitting when I get home. The amount of people in town was just ( Read more... )

J,

The last time I went to a proper funeral with all the ceremonies and whatnots happened ages ago, back when I was still in 6th grade... that was when my Pa's Mum died. I have no keen memories as regards to funerals at large or how is it any different here in England. I may have lost some of my "kids" in the care home, but I was never sent out to ( Read more... )

Lovely J,

I miss you. I've been aimlessly walking and crying at times. I'm still hung over yesterday's Birmingham Mail's obituary. I guess my subconscious is still dealing with indigestion, it's not something that I can easily surmise overnight, you see. Each word stung so bad I could hardly breathe after.

I know I promised to cry less and I really ( Read more... )

J,

I got a copy of today's Birmingham Mail. I guess up to this point I cannot seem to grasp the reality wherein your physical self no longer exist. I knew for a fact that I'll see your name in the obituaries section, but I still went on flipping the pages, holding my breath, and wishing it's not there. But there it was, a little column affirming ( Read more... )

20 Oct, 2011

Dear John,

I am still wishing that this is a bad dream and that I'll soon hear you waking me up... telling me to stop crying because it'll be fine and you'll stroke my hair til I fall asleep all over again.

It gets harder everyday knowing I'd have to go through it all without hearing from you ever again. I know you wouldn't want to see ( Read more... )